WE SAID THIS IS NO TIME TO PLAY GAMES. THEN WE SAW THE STAT SHEET.

Buffalo at Atlanta, 10 a.m. According to media reports from Atlanta, the Falcons have canceled their customary lunch-time poker and backgammon games in order to fully concentrate on the very serious business ahead: trying to win their final three games and sneak into the playoffs at 9-7. The Falcons’ last three games are against Buffalo, Miami and St. Louis. In their previous three games, the Falcons have been outscored, 104-43. Backgammon, anyone?

The line: Atlanta by 31/2.

REDSKINS, MEANWHILE, ARE THINKING VEGETARIAN

Chicago at Washington, 10 a.m., Channel 11. “We’re not satisfied with what we have,” Bear defensive coordinator Greg Blache told Chicago reporters this week. “We don’t want to just sample a little bit of the smorgasbord. We want to eat the whole thing.... We talked about it in training camp--if we are Spam eaters or we [want to eat steak].” Stumped by such strange remarks, Bear players consulted the football experts in Monty Python, who have been carefully studying Chicago game films for months. Their forecast for the Bears the rest of the way? “Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!”

The line: Pick.

HE’S AN OPTION QUARTERBACK

Cincinnati at Baltimore, 10 a.m. In his latest attempt to quell the rumors that arise after every Raven defeat, Baltimore Coach Brian Billick gave troubled quarterback Elvis Grbac his fifth vote of confidence this season. “He’s my quarterback now, he’s going to be my quarterback next year, hopefully the year after that and the year after that,” Billick said. “The only thing that would change that is if he a) chooses to retire, which I doubt, or b) God forbid, he’d get a career-ending injury.” The coach left out option c): He loses the wild-card game to either Matt Hasselbeck or Jay Fiedler.

The line: Baltimore by 101/2.

TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY, THE JOKES NEVER STOP

Detroit at Pittsburgh, 10 a.m. What’s a three-letter word, rhymes with “crass,” sometimes means buttocks and sometimes means donkey? That’s what Detroit receiver Johnnie Morton said he wanted Jay Leno to kiss after the Lions ended their 12-game streak of abuse by beating Minnesota last Sunday. And that explains what Leno was doing kissing a donkey on the forehead during Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.” Peace at last? “I don’t think Jay’s going to let up on us,” Morton told the Detroit News. “He’s relentless with those jokes. But all we have to do is win. That would take care of everything.”

The line: Pittsburgh by 10.

THEY’VE SEEN EVERYTHING, BUT THEY’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS

Jacksonville at Minnesota, 10 a.m. Needing a replacement for injured punter Mitch Berger, the Vikings signed 40-year-old Lee Johnson last week to join 42-year-old field-goal specialist Gary Anderson, giving Minnesota the oldest set of kickers in league history. Combined, Anderson and Johnson have put foot to football 2,494 times, spent 37 seasons in the league and logged more than eight decades on the planet. And neither one of them knows what to make of Randy Moss.

The line: Minnesota by 21/2.

HEY, HE WAS THE BEST ATHLETE AVAILABLE

St. Louis at Carolina, 10 a.m. Whitey Herzog told the St. Louis Post Dispatch that he and Ram Coach Mike Martz “believe in the same concepts. I don’t know if I’d throw the ball deep all the time, because in football, sometimes when the momentum of the game changes, you need to get it back by slowing things down and working the clock. That’s the only little negative thing I’d say about Martz. You can’t always go for that quick touchdown.” Whitey knows his football, as you’ll remember. As general manager of the Angels in 1993, he traded Lee Stevens to the Montreal Expos for a Fresno State quarterback.

The line: St. Louis by 12.

THIS JUST IN: NFL WRITERS WERE RIGHT

San Diego at Kansas City, 10 a.m. Despite the fan fiascos in Cleveland and New Orleans, the Chiefs have announced they will continue to sell their patrons beer in plastic bottles instead of paper cups. “Until we perceive it as a threat, there’s no reason to make changes,” team publicist Bob Moore told the Kansas City Star. Funny, that’s exactly what NFL writers said before the season when asked why they picked Kansas City to finish last in the AFC West.

The line: Kansas City by 3.

SO, IN THE MEANTIME, JUST SIT ON THE DAMN BENCH

Seattle at New York Giants, 10 a.m., Channel 2. Big pregame story angle: Why the Giants, drafting 11th in 2000, picked Ron Dayne ahead of Shaun Alexander, who went to Seattle eight picks later and has rushed for 1,036 yards and 12 touchdowns in his second season. Dayne, relegated to the bench in New York, says he isn’t overly bothered. “If I wasn’t patient, I’d be writing a book like Keyshawn’s,” Dayne said. “You know, ‘Just give me the damn ball.”’ Actually, Ron, the Giants already did. Which is why they now give it to Tiki Barber.

The line: New York by 3.

WHY I LOVE THE NFL

Dallas at Arizona, 1 p.m. Bill Gramatica, the younger half of the NFL’s Exciting Kicking Gramatica Boys, will be out for nine months after tearing a ligament and cartilage in his right knee while leaping to celebrate a first-quarter field goal in the Cardinals’ 17-13 loss to the Giants last weekend and, you know, you couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried.

The line: Arizona by 31/2.

THEY WUZ ROBBED

Cleveland at Green Bay, 1:15 p.m, Channel 2. Tune in for in-depth pregame report investigating why Pittsburgh quarterback Kordell Stewart was named Miller Lite offensive player of the week instead of thousands of more deserving fans in Cleveland.

The line: Green Bay by 7.

IT’S TIME TO MAKE NICE NOW

New York Jets at Indianapolis, 5:30 p.m., ESPN. Four weeks have passed since Colt Coach Jim Mora humiliated quarterback Peyton Manning by describing Manning’s four-interception game against the 49ers as “disgraceful.” Today, the Colts are 5-8 and probably need to win two of their last three to save Mora’s job. Manning: “The ironic thing is, I’m playing for his job, and I support him.” Which explains why Mora had this to say this week about Manning, who leads the NFL with 21 interceptions: “I wouldn’t trade him for any quarterback in the league.”

The line: Indianapolis by 1.