Growing Up With a Coroner’s Knock

It’s not always easy to pinpoint the moment we become adults, when we change from seeing the world through one set of eyes to another.

For John Ha, it came Sunday night when a coroner’s deputy knocked on his door about 11 p.m. In the next minute, he told John that his parents, Can and Bichha, had been killed in a traffic accident. He handed John a necklace his father wore, plus his wallet and watch.

Before the knock on the door, John Ha was an 18-year-old kid. By the time the conversation ended, he was an 18-year-old man, suddenly orphaned with a younger brother to take care of.

It is a duty John promises to fulfill. He says he plans to become his brother’s legal guardian.

“It’s something I can do, and believe I have the ability to withstand the situation,” he says Thursday in his Tustin living room. “When I think about it, I’m an adult now. I have to raise my little brother. It’s a big responsibility.”

His brother is 16-year-old Andrew, a junior at Tustin High School and, by John’s accounting, a better and more committed student than he was. Andrew was president of his eighth-grade class at C.E. Utt Middle School and treasurer of his sophomore class at Tustin High.

“He’s always dedicated to the school,” John says. “The meetings nobody else goes to, he goes to.”

John’s parents were killed Sunday evening when their brown Toyota compact was broadsided by a Mercedes-Benz sport utility vehicle in a Santa Ana intersection. A witness told police the Toyota stopped before entering the intersection, then pulled into the path of the oncoming vehicle.

On Thursday morning, we’re talking in the midst of a house cluttered with items he is sifting through, either to give away or make available at a garage sale. John apologizes for the mess and says his massive cleanup serves both to tidy up the home and distract him.

“It just keeps me from thinking. If I work, it keeps my mind off the accident. If I take a break, then I think about it again, so I might as well just work.”

Andrew returns today from a two-day student-government retreat in Santa Barbara.

“I wanted him to go,” John says, “to get his mind off of things. He’s taking it hard. The first day ... he was on the floor, he couldn’t get up. Same with me. But I was strong that day. On Tuesday, my brother started crying all night. I couldn’t calm him down, stop him from crying. He took it pretty hard. He still is.”

I ask John if he thinks he’s seeing things clearly, if he’s aware of the responsibilities he’s decided to inherit at such a young age. He jokes that people at DMV told him he looked 15, not 18, when he went to get a driver’s license.

“I have a lot of support that will help me out,” he says. “I know it will get me through this. But for my brother, I’m not so sure. Even though he says he’s strong--and I believe that--deep down, he still feels it really hard.”

An aunt is staying with the boys for now, but she and the other closest relatives live either in Canoga Park or San Jose. Some are helping with the legal and financial matters that must be resolved, and John is hoping their aunt can stick around for a while. John says officials at Parker-Hannifin Corp., where his father worked, have said it will pay funeral expenses.

He hopes that he and his brother can remain in the family home. They won’t starve, John jokes. His immediate agenda, he says, is to stick with plans to enroll at Irvine Valley College, get a job and make sure Andrew stays on track.

Visitation hours for Can and Bichha Ha have been set for today and Saturday at the Rose Hills Mortuary in Costa Mesa. Funeral services are scheduled for 10 a.m. Sunday.

I ask John if, a week ago, he’d have thought of himself as mature. “Not really, because I always thought my parents would be there for me the whole time. But now when I think about it, I have to be that person.”

I ask if he’s doing it because he thinks his parents would have expected it.

“They don’t expect me to do it,” he says. “But I know I have to do it.”

Is he afraid?

“No, because I know my parents are with me in my heart,” he says. “They really have a lot of faith in me. I’m kind of ready to move on to the next step.”

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Readers may reach Parsons at (714) 966-7821, at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or at dana.parsons@latimes.com.