TWO-MINUTE DRILL

Carolina 52, Cincinnati 31: Panthers set franchise record for points. Does it count if it’s against Bengals?

San Francisco 31, Dallas 27: Everyone knew last pass would go to Owens. Except Cowboys.

Kansas City 49, St. Louis 10: When will Georgia blame lack of fan support and threaten to move team?

Clev. 21, Jacksonville 20: If Browns make playoffs, they’ve asked Earnest Byner to fumble opening coin flip.

Tampa Bay 34, Atlanta 10: Michael Vick for the Hall of Fame! Oh, wait. Never mind.

New England 27, Buffalo 17: Has any Super Bowl champion ever had as boring a follow-up season?

Houston 24, Pittsburgh 6: Tommy Maddox’s 15 minutes of fame are officially over.

Tenn. 27, Ind. 17: Thanks, McNair. Now how are we supposed to convince kids practice makes perfect?

N.Y. Giants 27, Washington 21: Did anyone explain to Spurrier that there is only one bowl game in the NFL?

Arizona 23, Detroit 20 (OT): Existential question: If two lousy teams play in overtime, does anyone care?

New Orleans 37, Baltimore 25: Note to all news sites: “Deuce Runs Wild” headline is no longer clever.

Philadelphia 27, Seattle 20: At least David Hasselhoff could act like a quarterback.

N.Y. Jets 19, Denver 13: Broncos are fading faster than the WWF’s, oops, WWE’s ratings.

Oakland 27, S.D. 7: Gannon sets record for 300-yard games in a season. Marino, Fouts announce return.

Green Bay 26, Minnesota 22: Fight at end of game had all the intensity of a Pauly Shore movie.

Chicago at Miami, tonight, 6 p.m., Ch. 7: Christmas carol never heard at Madden’s house: “Silent Night.”

-- Houston Mitchell