BCS Theme Song: Mock Around the Clock

Dismissing the bowl championship series rankings as arcane, out of touch and borderline irrelevant, with an impossibly complex formula “that often results in mockeries,” Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post writes:

“I’ve decided to start my own poll ... the Jenkins Personal Index.

“The JP Index is based on the following criteria: How often the school’s name appears in my newspaper, one-tenth of a percent. Color scheme of uniform, one-tenth. Whether a school’s mascot is a nice animal or not, six-tenths. Mascot animals with eyes in the front of their heads receive bonus points, as opposed to mascot animals with eyes on the sides of their heads.”

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More Jenkins: The columnist, daughter of “Semi-Tough” author Dan Jenkins, offers her own top 10:

“1. Army. Name me a school with a tougher strength-of-schedule factor. The Cadets have to face Afghanistan, North Korea and Iraq. Plus, they have to play all of their big games on the road.

2. Oklahoma. In addition to having the best coach and best defense in the country, Sooners play in a place that legitimately produces golf ball-sized hail.

3. The University of Chicago. They dropped football years ago. I just miss them.

3. The Cincinnati Bengals. At 0-6, they should be downgraded to an NCAA team, and sent to the Humanitarian Bowl.

4. Bowling Green. Unbeaten, and people still think they’re a bowling school.

5. Penn State. Because my friend Ann went to school there.

6. Texas Christian University. It will make my father so happy.

7. The Bethesda Chevy Chase, Md., High School state champion field hockey team, because as the BCS has proved, an index wouldn’t be an index if it didn’t have a howler in it.

8. Nebraska. Because I have sympathy for the world’s downtrodden.

9. William.

10. Mary.

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Trivia time: Who was the first amateur player drafted by the Los Angeles Kings?

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Get mean, Ming: Houston Chronicle columnist Dale Roberts gave 7-foot-5 center Yao Ming an overall positive review for the rookie’s debut before the home fans in the Rockets’ exhibition game Thursday. But he’s not rushing to put Yao’s name on the Hall of Fame ballot.

“Unlike most men his size -- not that very many are his size -- he is an extremely smooth and polished product. What he needs, it appears, are more rough edges.

“And meaner elbows.”

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What, no Eddie Gaedel? Bob Ryan of the Boston Globe doesn’t think the fans did their best in choosing baseball’s 10 most memorable moments.

“The 20- and 30-somethings have had their say. Baseball, according to them, was invented sometime around 1970. If they think the most memorable moment in baseball history was Cal Ripken breaking Lou Gehrig’s record, then all I can say is that it’s America, and they are all entitled to an opinion.”

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Trivia answer: Defenseman Rick Pagnutti, 1967. He never played in the NHL.

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And finally: Joe Hall of the Detroit News lists the top baseball free-agents as Greg Maddux and Jim Thome, then writes, “Two words sum up the Tigers’ odds of getting them. ‘Fat’ and ‘chance.’ ”

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--Mike Terry