Newspaper Reports Married Couple Is Having Trouble Keeping the Peace

Vicki Bicket of Barstow read in the local Desert Dispatch that a woman “wanted deputies to tell her husband to get a job or leave the residence because all he does is eat and lie around.” But officers determined it was not a police matter because the man “was not disturbing the peace” when they arrived at 3:01 in the afternoon. He was, incidentally, asleep.

The critters better stay wide awake: A vacancy in Tarzana caught the eye of Karla Butler of Sherman Oaks, especially the guarantee by management to exterminate anything alive in the trash (see accompanying).

Gone in 60 seconds! Wayne Stuart of Landers noticed a for-sale ad for the kind of hauler you might need for a quick getaway (see accompanying).

Hot dogs, he understands: In L.A. for an ESPN special, broadcasters Dan Patrick and ex-major league pitcher Rob Dibble checked into the Mondrian Hotel, whereupon Dibble checked out the hospitality suite. He informed Patrick that the cuisine included some delicious pastries -- or “ensconces,” as he called them.

Unclear on the concept: In a huge outdoor parking area in Big Bear, David Kratz of Lancaster observed a sign that he figures someone picked up for a bargain price -- and didn’t care about the irrelevant “garage door” provision (see photo).

No thanks: Running laps isn’t my idea of fun, even for money. So I’d have no interest in the job opening sent along by Erika Shoemaker (see accompanying). Seems like you’d be exercising in a pretty cramped area, anyway.

Annals of bizarre crimes: In the police log of the Huntington Beach Independent, Rosemary LeForte chanced upon this item: “A misdemeanor assault was reported ... after an employee was struck in the temple by a Hershey’s Kiss that caused bruising to the victim’s temple and a strained neck.”

miscelLAny: Our Barstow contributor, Bicket, also caught a TV version of Agatha Christie’s “Evil Under the Sun,” featuring a murder victim who had been the target of an unscrupulous American broker’s investment scheme.

Bicket notes that the broker was later eliminated as a murder suspect, which probably brought some relief to the show’s sponsor: Fidelity Investments.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.