Suspected Thief Makes a Bad Call While Attempting to Evade His Pursuer

For today’s installment of Stupid Criminal Tricks, attorney Jerry Shuford of Indio relates the case of a young man who jumped the fence at a La Quinta golf course and stole a woman’s purse while she was on the putting green.

Another golfer saw the incident and gave chase. The thief jumped back over the fence and, safely on the other side, entered into an obscenity-laden exchange with the golfer. The thief became so angry that he opened the woman’s purse, pulled out a cell phone and threw it at his pursuer.

Whereupon the golfer grabbed the phone and dialed 911. The cops bagged the thief a few minutes later.

Follow these simple directions: Today’s head-scratchers (see accompanying) include:

* A wrong way warning with an accompanying sign for motorists who choose to ignore it (from Mike Rice).

* A right turn sign that’s locked in a duel with some arrows (from John Lund)

* A bank whose freebies come at a price (from Robin Simmons).

* And, finally, an oddly worded drug prescription (sent by Doug C.).

The bench-warmers of tomorrow: Excerpts of career goals of fifth-graders at Laurel Bay Elementary School in Calabasas, as listed in the school yearbook:

* “I want to be a backup quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers when I get older,” Chris Kurtenbach said. “I wouldn’t get battered and bruised, and would make a lot of money just sitting on the bench [and] have front row seats for every game!”

* “My dream is to become a vet,” said Jack Gerard. “I really love animals.... My most recent animal is a dog named Sport. We got him about four years ago. He’s kind of dumb. So that’s what I want to be when I grow up.”

* “I would like to marry the first woman president,” Will Trotta said.

Good to know that one dream is alive -- that any boy in America can grow up to be First Man.

Rollicking real estate: Leonor Fontes of North Hollywood noticed that in the Tolucan Times, real estate agent Bill Toth parodies some of his more gushing counterparts, as with this ad: “CELEBRITY ESTATE: A friend of a friend of a third cousin says Cameron Diaz once drove by this property. 3 bdrm., 3 bath ... “

miscelLAny: I heard a radio commercial announcing that you could now listen to one sports talk radio station “while you’re at work” -- via the Internet. The announcer concluded the spot this way: “Sponsored by Career.com, ‘The smarter way to find a better job.’ ” Especially if you’ve just been fired for listening to sports talk radio at work.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.