The Bet Here Is the Loser Is Really No Kid at Heart

The goal here, of course, is to give the Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA $500, and apparently the only one not in favor of this is TVG broadcaster Frank Lyons, and I guess now you know why he’s called “Lyons the Loser.”

I’d go into the details, but why bother. The fact is the Loser just doesn’t want the kids to have the money, and amazingly enough, he’s doing everything he can to prevent it.

For example, the Loser has been doing a show for Fox Sports Net 2 called “The Works,” interviewing trainers, jockeys and horses to make better bets on the Breeders’ Cup, and if you’ve seen the show, I know you’re not surprised that these broadcasting yahoos have tried to interview the horses.

For the Loser, it also meant spending 13 days in a row on the air with broadcaster Todd Shrubb, Shrump or whatever the goof’s name is, which tells you how committed he is to making sure those sick kids don’t get their money -- because no one willingly spends any time with Shrubb, Shrump or whatever the goof’s name is unless they have no other choice.

My job, of course, is to pick more winners than the Loser in Saturday’s eight Breeders’ Cup races at Santa Anita, and then receive a $500 check from TVG to benefit the kids. As a result, a number of good people at the track were more than willing Wednesday to step forward and help me crush the Loser.

Trainer Bob Baffert handicapped all eight races for me, and first things first, of course, he eliminated all of Bobby Frankel’s horses after making fun of them. Some habits are tough to break even when it comes to helping sick kids.

Lyons is also called “Mrs. Frankel,” because he always picks Frankel’s horses. Frankel said he understands, because “my horses always win.” (FYI: Frankel’s nags have won two of 49 Breeders’ Cup races; even Baffert has more wins.)

Michael Badalucco, you know, Jimmy on “The Practice,” stopped by because they were serving free breakfast, and he said go with the longshots -- his way of telling me to take Baffert’s three-legged entries, I guess. Remember when Baffert trained horses that won? The only Baffert appearing regularly in the winner’s circle these days is Jill, his wife, working as a TVG reporter.

Bruno DeJulio, a handicapper with his own site -- racingwithbruno.com -- walked by and whispered, “Take a look at Class Above.”

Turns out it’s a Baffert horse, and I’d be whispering, too, if that’s the best I could do.

Alonso Aguirre, Laffit Pincay’s brother, said bet on Pleasantly Perfect in the Classic. I asked Richard Mandella about Pleasantly Perfect, and he looked at me as if he’d never heard of the horse, and he trains it. I asked Mandella about Aguirre and he waxed poetic about the guy. Bad sign, I would think, when the tipster is more highly regarded than the tip.

I thought about consulting with Times’ handicapper Bob Mieszerski, a.k.a. Misery, but I’d like to win some races.

I did check with jockey Alex Solis, who has lost 39 of his 40 Breeders’ Cup races, because I thought it’d be good to get into the mind of a loser such as Lyons. Right away, though, Solis showed me some real smarts. “I’m rooting for you to beat Frank because I don’t want to get trashed in the newspaper.”

Solis, who needs two more wins to reach the 4,000 mark -- and I love his comment when he hit 3,000: “It’s a great feeling to know I’m only 5,000 wins behind Pincay and Willie Shoemaker” -- will be riding in seven races Saturday.

“I’m going to win one for the kids, and if I do, I’ll make a donation to the children’s hospital, too,” he said, and then he gave me the name of the horse he expects to win, and wouldn’t it be great if it’s victory No. 4,000.

I’ll reveal Solis’ personal choice to win a Breeders’ Cup race Friday here along with the rest of my picks -- as well as the Loser’s selections.

“I’m more sure of my Breeders’ Cup picks to win than if I waited until after the races and then made them,” the Loser said in gleefully predicting the children will suffer. “I’m doing so good these days -- I had three out of four today in the pick four.”

Don’t worry, kids.

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THIS SCARY tidbit comes from the Orange County Register and the mouth of Dodger General Manager Dan Evans: “We’ve got decisions to make regardless of the ownership situation.”

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THE LAKERS told a TV producer she won’t be allowed to cover the team, because she asked Kobe Bryant about his legal difficulties. Can you imagine how many reporters would be left covering the Dodgers if anyone asking a tough question was asked to leave?

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GIVE MATT Moore credit. He threatens to leave UCLA because he’s not getting playing time, and immediately Coach Karl Dullard surrenders and announces Moore will replace Drew Olson, who has led the team to four straight wins.

Olson didn’t learn a thing. He loses his job and then tells reporters he hasn’t even thought about transferring. Moore, meanwhile, continues to terrorize Coach Dullard, telling reporters, “As far as the future, dude, I live one day at a time.”

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I CALLED the Clippers for info, and got this snappy answer: “Clippers.” I said what happened to “Good morning, Clippers,” or “Hi there, what can we do for you?” or even “Clippers -- we’re not as crummy as everyone says we are?”

“Everyone’s out to lunch here,” came the reply -- as if I didn’t know that.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Ted Bloom:

“Only an ignorant fool like you would try to make something out of Coach Wooden never swearing. Talk about a miserable existence. Yours is second to none.”

Are you conceding?

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.