The spinning of the LAUSD

I KNOW THEY’VE BEEN putting up new schools like crazy here in Los Angeles, but when did they open the Grigori Potemkin High School for Political Spin?

According to news accounts, the Los Angeles Unified School District is on the verge of doing battle with the mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa, who wants to take control and make over the district -- a hostile takeover, as it turns out.

And what will be the most important weapon for proving that LAUSD’s 700-plus schools shouldn’t be in the hands of anyone but the elected board? Public relations. Not a better product -- a better sales job.

In the Bronx, years ago, decals of flower pots and curtains were plastered onto windows of abandoned buildings to make them look less

The district has good stories to tell: John C. Fremont High, risen from the statistical graveyard of the district’s 10 worst schools; little kids who are outperforming their elder brothers and sisters on standardized tests. But then there’s that nagging, persistent dropout rate, the dispirited teachers, the jammed schools and, well, just try selling that.

Where would the money for the charm offensive come from? Last summer, when a mayoral takeover was Topic A, The Times reported that the school superintendent, Roy Romer, was putting the touch on construction and publishing companies -- some of which did business with LAUSD -- for PR money. (I guess I’m glad the money wasn’t coming out of school budgets.)

Let’s say the board goes ahead and launches some TV spots about how even its problems can become advantages:

* Do teachers have to steal those little pencils from the golf courses where they caddy on weekends for extra cash? Show the bright side: “At LAUSD, our kids are so smart, they don’t need erasers on their pencils!”

* School libraries low on books? Books are so 20th century. LAUSD can teach math and literature by video games -- the first by the rigors of keeping score, the second -- what, you haven’t heard of “Harry Potter: Grand Theft Dragon”?

* Complaints about filthy school bathrooms? “At LAUSD, we rent clean, well-equipped pay toilets, and kids can redeem good-behavior vouchers for hall passes to the lavatories! You don’t mind your Ps and Qs, you don’t pee!”

Three weeks ago, California voters straggled resentfully over the finish line after a pointless special election campaign in which a quarter of a billion dollars was spent on spin. And what did we get? The status quo. How many more millions will be squandered, between the school board and Villaraigosa, to convince us that one side or the other can’t be trusted with our kids?

Here’s what LAUSD ought to do: See to it that all its students leave school in the afternoon knowing more than when they arrived that morning. When every student finds a class, a teacher, a book, a program that engages him or her, the board won’t need PR people -- they’ll have nearly three-quarters of a million of them taking the message home in their backpacks every day.

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PATT MORRISON’s e-mail is patt.morrison@latimes.com.