"I got a first-pitch missed curveball up in my head, and everyone leaps up in their seat like Bruce Buffer is about to come out."
—Brett Lawrie, Oakland Athletics infielder, blaming Kansas City fans for "antagonizing everything" during a chippy series in which six Royals, including Manager Ned Yost, were ejected.
"This is in no way a reflection of my character or morals."
-—Andrew McKirahan, Atlanta Braves pitcher suspended after testing positive for a performance-enhancing drug. This is so ludicrous that McKirahan ought to make sure that whoever wrote this statement never writes a statement for him again.
"I'm sure you call in sick to your pathetic 9-5 job all the time. Or you might not even have one."