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In this spirited debate, He wins

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Dear Mr. Streeter, please pass this along to your readers:

I certainly appreciate the flood of sports-related prayers sent My way during the last several weeks of college bowl and NFL playoff games. I am flattered that so many of you would take time away from worrying about home loans or frothing over the latest cover of Maxim to remember Me, a.k.a. God.

But listen, right now I’m up to My ears dealing with some pretty big issues -- war, famine and pestilence, for three -- and I simply don’t need any more distractions. This being the case, I have two requests:

First, please stop bombarding Me with prayers about the big game, your favorite team, LaDainian Tomlinson’s bum groin, or Tim Tebow.

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Second, if you are an athlete who thinks of yourself as a follower of My words and advice, stop showily pointing to the heavens after every winning basket, home run or touchdown; and please put an end to taking the field with John 3:16 scrawled under the eyes for all to see. Enough! Give it a rest already.

Surely you have heard of rendering unto Caesar what is Caesar’s. The World Series? The BCS championship game? These are the things of the world, of fame, money and power. Caesar’s turf, not Mine. Let’s keep it that way.

Certainly you have read about shutting the door, praying privately and humbly treading the Earth. All this shoving your version of Me down the throats of the unsuspecting? We’ve almost always got a few wars going because of this. So during our games, how about we take a little hiatus?

I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t have strong feelings for Me. I’m not saying don’t believe. I’m pleased by the earnest good works I see from multitudes of fans and many players. But what I am saying is there is a time and a place for everything. Save your spiritual energy for more important things. Let games be games. Leave Me out of the arena.

And you think you’re swamped? Please consider what I have to deal with. Not one moment passes -- never more than when an SEC football team is playing, or during soccer’s World Cup -- without My inbox getting jammed with requests from the sporting faithful.

Sometimes the prayers go like this: “God, let me make this kick and send us home with a victory.” On My end, this kind of request is extremely time-consuming, as it is almost always followed by a message from the opposing team: “God, I know You’ve had a hand in our entire season, just as I know You know the other team is a bunch of wild-eyed heathens. To prove our goodness, please make this kick sail wide right.”

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Here’s a little secret that too few of you seem to know: I don’t care one whit about who comes out on top. Matter of fact, the people I care about most are the losers.

Still, I keep listening, and keep getting bogged down by your requests.

Here’s one from a pro baseball player: “God, if you make my ankle strong again I will be a lot more faithful to my wife and on road trips will no longer hang with the groupies. . . . Oh, by the way, some help with my curveball would be appreciated.”

This recently came in from a fan in Salt Lake City: “God/Jehovah/Yahweh/Allah/Great Spirit/Jesus (take your pick, I get called every name in the book), this BCS thing is terrible. My team just went undefeated and was shut out of the big game. It’s costing my school millions. There’s talk of a lawsuit. If this happens, please lay Your spirit on all lawyers and judges involved and end this travesty.”

Come on, people, get real.

Maybe it’s My fault. As I watched you evolve I didn’t bother to get in the way when you came up with the idea of running around with a rock in your hand, keeping score. I meant for you to have a lot of fun with sport and balance it with more important priorities.

Then I stood back and watched you turn rivalries into holy wars, stadiums into cathedrals, games into revival meetings, and athletes into gods.

The angry part of Me wants to slip back into retribution mode -- maybe make Al Davis live until he is 823. Then I remember the credo I’ve used the last few hundred million years: In almost every matter, hands off.

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Finally, here are a few of the things that really matter to Me: finding peace in Gaza, Iraq and Afghanistan. Ending chaos in Darfur. Stopping poverty.

Here are a few of the things I have no stake in: games played for obscene amounts of money in stadiums lined with luxury boxes; the BCS; UCLA against USC; the SEC against the Pac-10; cricket.

I favor humility, perspective and great performances. I’m not fond of showiness, excess and trying to involve Me where I should not be involved.

Think of this before you send another prayer My way.

With much respect and love,

God

P.S. -- Of late, I have been happy to see much talk and debate on this issue. Here’s a suggestion: Check the writing of Robert J. Higgs, professor emeritus of English at East Tennessee State University and author of “God in the Stadium: Sports & Religion in America.”

--

kurt.streeter@latimes.com

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