Even Padre Fans Have a Couple of Things to Be Thankful About

OK, so the Padres are not exactly in the thick of contention. So they have been treading water as if they have weights on their ankles and Jaws trimming their toenails.

But there are some things to like about the way things are going for the Padres in this summer of such high expectations.

Chris Brown does not play for them.

My understanding is that Brown, recently released by the Detroit Tigers, has caught on with the Medicare Muffins. However, he is on the disabled list with a cold.

Keith Moreland does not play for them.

Moreland, the other half of the trade that brought Walt Terrell from the Tigers, is still in Detroit. However, he will likely return to San Diego when he retires, presumably to either run for mayor or host a talk show, or both.

They own Orel Hershiser.

This guy has not beaten the local heroes yet this year.

Shawn Abner owns Cy Young Award winners.

This puppy took a big bite out of the Bulldog when he hit that three-run homer Monday night. He also hit a home run off Dwight Gooden, another Cy Young Award winner, on May 16, 1988. Unfortunately, he hit none in between. Fortunately, Steve Bedrosian is coming to town with San Francisco this weekend.

Pete Rose is not the manager.

He never will be. Bet on it.

Jack Clark plays for them.

Clark is going to earn his keep many times over in concession income. Look at it this way: Through the first 71 games, Clark either struck out or walked 51.8% of the times he went to the plate. Consequently, knowledgeable fans are shrewdly making their food and drink trips during Clark’s turns at bat.

Chris “Bore Me” Berman is not on the broadcast team. I have never heard a broadcaster get so much attention for being so completely inane. Not insane . . . inane. Insane can be fun, right Ted?

Jack McKeon’s dexterity.

Was that really Jack McKeon with both feet off the ground jumping into umpire John McSherry’s face Friday night? You watch Trader Jack shuffle around, and you think there is no way he could jump over a base line. Yet, there he was, jumping and jawing and eventually getting himself a free trip to an early cigar.

No games are scheduled in Houston until Sept. 6 ... and only two games that trip.

The dome of doom certainly did it to the Padres their last trip in. If they do not get untracked and get back into this race, the downward turning point in the season will be blowing those three- and four-run leads in the ninth inning during that recent trip.

Benito Santiago is catching for th e m.

Benny may grouse and pout over real or imagined slights, but no one ever dozes off when he is behind the plate and a runner has the audacity to take an adventurous lead off base. How many of them have turned around with looks on their faces like they are tightrope walkers and they realize the rope is coming untied?

Mark Parent is catching for them.

This understudy could be a star.

Sandy Alomar Jr. is catching in the farm system.

Junior must feel like a monarch’s youngest son, so near to the throne but so far away.

Wade Boggs is not playing with them.

I’ve outgrown circuses.

Bob Chandler is in the broadcast booth.

Chandler’s the other guy. He did not win any World Series rings during the Casey Stengel era in New York. He did not get drafted No. 1 in the nation and then save an American flag. He is not the guy who annually finishes first hereabouts in most loved and most hated polls. Chandler’s the guy with the gravelly voice who simply lets you know what’s going on.

Bip Roberts is happy.

It seems like only yesterday, but it was three years ago that Leon Roberts came to San Diego all brash and cocky and then disappeared like a blip from a radar screen. He is back now and comfortable with a utility role. He can play just about anywhere, steal a base and ranks among the National League leaders in triples in spite of his limited playing time. He can become the Tim Flannery of the ‘90s, a Mr. Popularity who smiles his way through a productive career.

Tony Gwynn plays for them.

If I’m the owner, I sign this guy to a $30 million contract for 10 years and know I’m going to get my money’s worth.

Joan Kroc owns this team.

Thankfully, I’m not the owner because I would have a problem trying to cover a $30 million contract with kickbacks from the grocery money. It would be good business for Ms. Kroc because Tony would probably agree to kick back maybe $10 million in quarter-pounders.

Alas, all is not totally rosy for the Padres. They could use a Kevin M., either of the two they traded. They could use a left-handed hitter with clout, preferably a third baseman. They could use a bit more fire. Most of all, they could use the right kind of out when they have a runner on third base and less that two out.

Enough of this.

One last thought that may be good . . . or may be bad.

There are 90 games to play.