SPOTLIGHT / A Glance at This Week in the NFL : GOOD HUMOR MAN

Dexter Carter got a taste of redemption Sunday with a 50-yard touchdown run in the closing minutes of the San Francisco 49ers’ 55-17 victory over the Detroit Lions that clinched the NFC West title.

It was Carter’s two fumbled punt returns last week that were a big factor in the 49ers’ loss to the Atlanta Falcons.

Those fumbles gave Glyn Milburn, the former Stanford star who has had his share of muffs as a Denver Bronco this season, an idea for his weekly local television show.

With apologies to late night, talk-show host David Letterman, here are Milburn’s Top 10 Reasons Why I’ve Had Trouble With Punt Returns:

“10. Sun was in my eyes in the (Seattle) Kingdome.

“9. Artificial Turf needed mowing.

“8. Heard sideline phone ringing--thought it was for me.

“7. Trying out as (Colorado) Rockies center fielder.

“6. Distracted by Broncos’ cheerleaders.

“5. It’s the altitude.

“4. Didn’t want Leon Lett (of the Dallas Cowboys) to get all the attention.

“3. All-Pro linebacker Joey Buttafuoco was bearing down on me.

“2. Wanted John Elway to have opportunity for another last-minute drive.

“1. Thought infield fly rule was in effect.”

Stick to football, Glyn. Stick to football.

PUNCH HAPPY

Forget that 47-34 loss that propelled the Buffalo Bills into first place over the Miami Dolphins in the AFC East. The Dolphins were more interested in turning their pivotal game at Miami into a prize fight.

And afterward, all they could do was complain, particularly linebacker Bryan Cox, already fined twice this season by the NFL for outrageous conduct on the field and pulled from the game Sunday by Coach Don Shula for more of the same.

“We had forty players in a fight pushing and shoving and throwing punches,” Cox said told Leonard Shapiro of the Washington Post. “Two guys get thrown out (Miami’s Bobby Harden and Chuck Klingbeil). Does it surprise you they play for this team? I don’t think so.

“Bryan Cox is a marked man by this league. I’m tired of people in New York overlooking the things that other teams do. We’re always the team to get caught.”

Gee, we wonder why?

PUNCH HAPPY II

Ted Washington, a defensive lineman, and Dana Hall, a safety, do not garner much attention in their reserve roles for the 49ers. But last week, they were the talk of the Bay Area after getting into a locker-room tiff.

The turmoil did not seem to bother San Francisco in its rout at Detroit. But it’s not like these former first-round draft choices have had much effect on the team this season anyway.

TETE-A-TETE

It was nothing less than NFL symmetry.

Stan Humphries, San Diego Chargers quarterback, was removed in the first quarter against the Kansas City Chiefs with a slight concussion.

Then Joe Montana, Chiefs quarterback, suffered a mild concussion in the third quarter, but on the next play threw to J.J. Birden for a four-yard touchdown pass that gave the Chiefs a 21-17 lead. Montana was then taken into the locker room but returned in the fourth quarter.

DIVIDE AND CONQUER

The Houston Oilers winning the AFC Central division was no small feat.

This was a team, after all, that was considered washed up by Week 5, with a 1-4 record. Wilber Marshall was injured, Warren Moon was benched, Buddy Ryan was talking nonsense, and Coach Jack Pardee was considered the next unemployed American worker.

It was fun while it lasted. After a home loss to the Rams, the Oiler players were ripping each other and the coaches, and the offensive and defensive coordinators engaged in a public duel. It all made for lively debate in the local press.

“We always have had controversy around here, but this was turmoil,” Moon told reporters. “This separated us.”

TRY AGAIN

That ESPN infomercial parody of a caricature of Ross Perot, replete with diagrams, discussing the NFL playoff format, has got to go.

POSTSEASON POSSIBILITIES

Here’s an early look at the NFL playoff picture:

AFC East

Buffalo--Can win division with two victories. If Bills and Dolphins tie, Buffalo wins division based on better division record. Bills are tied with Oilers and Chiefs for home-field advantage throughout playoffs.

Miami--Can win division with two victories and two Buffalo losses.

N.Y. Jets--Can win division with two victories and two Buffalo losses and one Miami loss.

AFC Central

Houston--Clinched division.

Pittsburgh--Can only make playoffs as wild card.

AFC West

Kansas City--Can win division with two victories.

Raiders--Can win division with two victories and two Chiefs losses. If Raiders defeat Broncos in final week, would win tiebreaker for division title if teams finished with identical records based on better division record.

Denver--Can win division with two victories and two Chiefs losses.

NFC East

New York Giants--Clinched at least a wild-card spot. Can win division and clinch home-field advantage throughout playoffs with two victories.

Dallas--Clinched at least a wild-card spot. Can win division with two victories based on head-to-head record against Giants.

Philadelphia Eagles--Can only make playoffs as wild card.

NFC Central

Green Bay--Can win division with two victories.

Detroit--Can win division with two victories and one Packer loss.

Minnesota--Can win division with two victories and two losses by Packers and Lions.

Chicago--Can win division with two victories and two losses by Packers and Lions and one loss by Vikings. Vikings have division title tiebreaker advantage over Bears based on head-to-head record.

NFC West

San Francisco--Clinched division.

New Orleans--Can only make playoffs as wild card.

Atlanta Falcons--Can only make playoffs as wild card.

NOTEWORTHY

Scottie Graham of the Minnesota Vikings gained 139 yards, only 35 fewer than his NFL career total. . . . Bobby Hebert, Atlanta Falcon quarterback, was sacked seven times, had four passes intercepted and lost two fumbles. . . . The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-10) have lost 10 or more games for 11 consecutive seasons, and 20 in a row against teams from California since 1980.

Gary Brown of the Houston Oilers gained 100 yards, only the second 100-yard performance by an opposing back at Pittsburgh’s Three Rivers Stadium in 3 1/2 seasons. . . . Eric Metcalf of Cleveland accounted for 204 total yards--81 receiving, 48 rushing and 75 on returns--his eighth game with at least 200 yards, two shy of Jim Brown’s team record.

Gary Clark of Phoenix had a career-best 12 receptions for 152 yards. That gave him 50 for the season, making him the first NFL player to reach that milestone in nine consecutive seasons. . . . Webster Slaughter, Houston’s leading receiver, tore two ligaments in his left knee against Pittsburgh and will miss the rest of the season.

It wasn’t a total loss for Miami fans when it came to competition against Buffalo. The Miami Hurricane men’s basketball team defeated Buffalo, 63-57, on Sunday.

QUOTEWORTHY

Sports announcer Matt Millen, after the Fox network outfoxed CBS in gaining a piece of pro football action:

“I’ve got a backhoe and a dump truck. I can always find work.” Michael Wilbon of the Washington Post, on the Fox deal:

“They could have put the games on the Home Shopping Network and it wouldn’t have made a difference.”

Babe Laufenberg, formerly a San Diego Charger quarterback, on the impact of kickers this season:

“Super Bowl XXVIII probably will be decided by a player who hasn’t seen the weight room, doesn’t have a playbook and wouldn’t make the height requirement on 70% of the rides at Six Flags.”

EXTRA POINT

Bud Geracie of the San Jose Mercury News reminds those bored with the stale dishes served by NFL football, there are only five more days until the Blue-Gray game.