Eagles Not Playing Possum

While taking the family cow to market, a voice whispered to me from an alley.

Pssst, hey kid.

Beat it, I don’t want any magic beans, OK?

No kid, I got something better.

Better than magic beans?

Better.

Look, I’m not suppose to talk to strangers.

I’m just an average baseball fan.

Nothing stranger than that.

Listen kid, I just want to tell you a secret.

Oooh, a secret, give.

Santa Margarita.

No thanks, I don’t drink.

No, stupid, the high school.

Oh, that place.

The Eagles have arrived.

Really, were they away?

No, they’re here, as an athletic dynasty. Remember, everyone feared that? Well, the time has come.

How can you tell?

Baseball.

Huh?

When you’re a baseball power, you’re an athletic power.

I thought in high school sports, football was king?

Don’t think, just listen. Baseball makes or breaks you. It’s the sport that puts you over the hump.

Are you related to Ken Burns?

Look, with football, everyone comes around, from the start of the season to the finish. The same with basketball. People actually go to the games. But baseball goes along anonymously. If you don’t have a relative or boyfriend on the team, you don’t go to games.

So, most people have taste.

Ah, but when your baseball team starts winning playoff games, gobs of folk turn out. It becomes an event. Thus, baseball makes you a dynasty.

Do you sit up nights thinking about this stuff?

No one ever worried about Mater Dei until it won the 1980 baseball title, right?

Mater Who?

Well, since then, Mater Dei has become an athletic dynasty, right?

If I give you money, will you go away?

Yes, baseball, it’s the only true test of an athletic power.

What about Cal State Fullerton?

That’s not high school athletics.

Have you seen the basketball team?

Look, I’m just trying to help you out.

So what does all this have to do with Santa Margarita?

They’re in the Division III semifinals.

Really, hadn’t heard.

Few have. They’ve gone about their business without disturbing a soul. Well, except for opponents.

So, who’s their coach?

Tip Lefebvre.

Fifteen percent, right?

No, dummy, he’s the coach. Doesn’t like publicity, though. He keeps a low profile, like his team.

Where’d he come from?

He used to catch for the Dodgers .

Who hasn’t?

Jose Offerman.

Oh, yeah. So who are his stars?

He doesn’t have any.

Then how come they’re so good?

My theory is a breakthrough in genetic cloning. All their players are between 6 feet and 6-5. A bunch of muscular, bat - waving fanatics.

That sounds dangerous.

It is if you’re an opposing pitcher.

I’m not.

Lucky you.

They have any pitching?

Did Babe Ruth like beer by the keg?

Wow, so have they lost any games?

Well, seven.

Seven, you call that a power?

They were playing possum.

I thought they were playing baseball?

They’ve won 11 straight. They won the Sea View League title. They could win the whole thing.

And that would make Santa Margarita a dynasty?

Yup. Just like everyone feared.

Anything else?

Yeah, I got these magic beans.

I’ll take ‘em.