Bethel College Might Want to Forget About Football

Bethel College, an NAIA Division II school in Tennessee, reinstated its football program three years ago. Perhaps, it should reconsider after losing to Tennessee Martin, 97-7, on Thursday.

Tennessee Martin, a Division I-AA school, scored on all but two possessions in outgaining Bethel, 693 yards to 83.

The record for points by a Division I-AA school is 105, set by Portland State against Delaware State in 1980.

*

Trivia time: What is the Pacific 10 Conference record for most points scored by a team in a football game?

*

Fragile fraternity: Jayson Stark of the Philadelphia Inquirer has compiled a list of anti-Cal Ripkens. A sampling:

--”Goose Gossage once threw his back out sneezing.

--”Jose Valentin, Milwaukee Brewer shortstop, recently cut his hand on a pineapple.

--”Former Padre malingerer Chris Brown missed a game with a strained eyelid.”

*

Inside streak: Ripken isn’t the only iron man of the Baltimore Orioles. Ernie Tyler, the club’s 71-year-old “ballboy ,” hasn’t missed a home game since 1960.

Besides handing balls to the plate umpire, Tyler is responsible for making sure the umpires’ uniforms and locker room are clean.

“I’ve never missed a pitch,” Tyler said, “which is something no umpire can say.”

*

Buddy Bowl: Buddy Ryan, Arizona Cardinal coach, made a lot of bold statements in training camp, claiming for one thing that he knew as much about offense as any coach in the NFL.

When the club had to break training camp in Flagstaff, Ariz. one day early because of a sewage backup, team owner Bill Bidwell told Ryan: “You spread so much [manure] around up there that it’s starting to back up on you.”

*

Rip-off: Gene Collier in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: “You may now witness the miracle of hockey practice by paying the Penguins $2, or $1 if you’re not yet 12.

“Let me say this about hockey practice. If the Penguins were paying adults $2 and children under 12 $1 to watch it, that shouldn’t be enough to draw more than a handful who are not 12 chronologically or mentally.”

*

Out of reach: Marty Conlon, Milwaukee Buck forward, on the NBA labor agreement that players have been voting on: “Some of it is over my head, and I’m 6-10.”

*

Fast-food drill: Norman Chad in the Chicago Sun Times on Tom Coughlin, the disciplinarian coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars: “If Coughlin managed a McDonald’s, he’d have the fries guy bench-pressing the milkshake machine.”

*

Ouch! Bob Lacey, San Francisco comedy writer: “So Tonya Harding is embarking on a career as a recording artist. Let’s hope Whitney Houston still has that bodyguard.”

*

Trivia answer: California defeated St. Mary’s, 127-0, in 1920.

*

Quotebook: Tim McKyer, Carolina cornerback, on the Panthers’ surprising release of oft-injured running back Barry Foster: “You can’t make the club from the tub.”