Story of De La Hoya’s Success Is PG, for Parental Guidance

It doesn’t matter how many times promoter Bob Arum proclaims that Oscar De La Hoya can be the greatest fighter of his generation.

It doesn’t matter how loud the crowd cheers for De La Hoya, or how many television specials are done on him, or how many newspaper stories are written about him, or how many beaten opponents concede that he is indeed the best they have faced.

All of that can be overridden in De La Hoya’s mind by a few words of approval from one soft-spoken man--his father.

The only problem is, De La Hoya rarely hears those words.

“My dad never tells me I did great,” said De La Hoya, a touch of sadness, but no bitterness, in his voice. “He may tell me what I did good, but he’d never say, ‘My son did great.’ He thinks my head would swell.”

So De La Hoya keeps fighting for the approval of the only man in his far-flung circle of supporters who praises him sparingly and grudgingly.

It would certainly be understandable if Joel De La Hoya chose to heap accolades on his youngest son. After all, Oscar, who will challenge World Boxing Council welterweight champion Pernell Whitaker Saturday night at the Thomas & Mack Center here, is 23-0 with 20 knockouts since winning a gold medal at the 1992 Olympics.

But the senior De La Hoya is a perfectionist who isn’t about to say that his son has reached anything close to his peak at 24.

“I would never say he is perfect,” Joel said. “No, no. I think he is great-looking sometimes, but if I say he is perfect, he will think, ‘I am perfect.’ He knows I don’t say that kind of thing.”

Said Oscar’s older brother, Joel Jr., “Sometimes, my dad can be real stubborn.”

Stubborn, but studious when it comes to boxing.

A former fighter himself, the senior De La Hoya is constantly analyzing his son’s performance and those of his opponents. And passing that information on to his son, who is more than happy to receive it. The two may not always communicate well verbally, but the message gets through quite effectively through sign language.

Whenever Oscar enters the ring, his first concern is where his father is sitting. While most everyone is focusing on Oscar in the moments before a fight, Oscar is focusing on Joel, making sure he can pick him out of the crowd.

And after the round is over, after Oscar has received his water and his instructions from his corner, he looks at Joel for the final word on how he is doing.

Joel may point to his own head to indicate that his son has to be smarter in the next round. Or he may flick his left hand to let Oscar know that he has abandoned his jab.

Only then, after Joel has offered his opinion, is Oscar ready to wade back in for the next round.

“He gives me a lot of confidence,” Oscar said.

If not unconditional approval.

*

It was Joel De La Hoya who introduced Oscar to the sport that would become the major force in his life.

Joel, 56, fought as a lightweight, following his father into the ring. Vincente De La Hoya, 81, also fought as a lightweight in his hometown of Durango, Mexico, in the 1940s.

Twenty years later, Joel was a professional fighter in the Los Angeles area. He was 9-3-1 with six knockouts before calling it quits. Joel found it too difficult to balance a ring career with his job in construction.

“I had to support my family and then go to the gym,” Joel said. “It is not the same for Oscar, who has never had to work.”

So, because of economics, Joel gave up his dream of being a champion, a dream he says was realistic.

“I didn’t have anyone push me like I pushed my son,” Joel said. “I could have been a champion like Oscar.”

*

Once he hung up his gloves, Joel devoted his ring energies to his two sons. When Joel first took them to the gym, Joel Jr., was 8 and Oscar was 6.

“Joel [Jr.] was never serious about it,” the senior De La Hoya said. “His sport was baseball. But from the day he started, Oscar enjoyed it.”

The boys were still going to the gym as teenagers. Their father would take them and then, after a full workout, bring them home and work with them in the living room, catching their punches with his bare hands.

Boxing cemented the bond between Joel Sr. and Oscar, a bond that was strengthened even further in 1992 when Oscar’s mother, Cecilia, died of breast cancer just before her son won his gold medal.

Only once was that bond threatened.

It happened in the days after Oscar turned pro. Steve Nelson and Robert Mittleman had become his managers and included his father as a third co-manager. That was fine with Joel, but not so fine with Oscar when friction developed with the outside pair. As Oscar’s relationship with Nelson and Mittleman deteriorated, it seemed to Oscar and his brother that their father was choosing the wrong side.

“Oscar felt like he didn’t know who to trust, even Dad,” Joel Jr., said. “Oscar felt like [Nelson and Mittleman] weren’t doing anything for him and it sometimes seemed like Dad was pushing them on him. Finally, Dad also realized they weren’t doing anything for Oscar.”

Relations became strained between the father and his fighting son and it took more than sign language to bridge the gap, although the senior De La Hoya now refers to the whole thing as “a little misunderstanding.”

Finally, Oscar severed his ties to Nelson and Mittleman, took over the management of his career himself and Joel Sr. was soon back in the fold.

But, Joel Jr. says, the family is not as close as it used to be, not as close as it was before Oscar became so rich and famous.

“I’m talking about all our relatives and some who claim they are related,” Joel Jr. said. “When Oscar became famous, they started demanding tickets, money, houses. Oscar wonders, ‘Where were these people when I had nothing?’ ”

Sometimes, it is even hard for Joel Sr. to maintain his ties with Oscar. When Joel Sr. opened a restaurant in Downey, his celebrity son wasn’t there.

“He didn’t have time because he had other things to do,” the father said. “I understand, but maybe, one of these days, he will come.”

But when Joel Sr. goes back to Durango to visit in a few weeks, Oscar will be there, joining him there for the first time since Oscar was a child .

But don’t expect Joel Sr. to brag about Oscar.

“I am proud of him, but not because he is a boxing star,” he said. “I am proud because he is my son. He is my blood.”

It’s tough being the father of a superstar. And tough being the son of a perfectionist. But through it all, the love and affection apparently have survived.