The Pen Triumphs in War of the Roses

There’s no denying that Dana Point-based Surfer magazine has clout. In a letter to that publication, 10-year-old Philip Salter of Langley, Wash., wrote: “My dad’s friend gave us a Surfer magazine. I threw it from my treehouse at a deer eating the roses. Surfer is tough!”

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GUIDE TO ADVENTUROUS DINING: Robert Patterson sent along a photo that reminded me of the hot rodder’s boast of making a rival in a street race “eat rubber” (see photo).

Patterson was told that county health authorities rated Rent A Wreck’s cuisine because customers in the waiting room were being served bagels.

As for today’s other stomach-turning fare (see accompanying), an anonymous reader mailed in a university’s parking notice that was a bit too abbreviated for my taste.

Nowrooz Ali of Lancaster came upon a listing that singled out its cholesterol-rich fare, and Fred Blatch of Desert Hot Springs found a cotton hat dessert suggestion that was hard to swallow.

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THE GRIM SIDE OF THE WIRELESS REVOLUTION: Chuck McPeak of Manhattan Beach was approached by a panhandler whose spiel went something like this:

“I founded a cellular phone company which AT&T; offered to purchase from me for billions of dollars. When the deal closed my lawyer left town with all of the money. Could you spare enough for a cup of coffee?”

Oh, eat my hat.

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OFF-TRACK: My apologies to Gary Richards of the San Jose Mercury News for wrongly attributing a quote in his column Wednesday.

The statements about L.A. drivers practicing “lane discipline” and recognizing the value of “steady progress, even at a slow pace” in heavy traffic were actually in a letter that appeared in Richards’ “Mr. Roadshow” column. (I questioned the lane discipline and patience of L.A. drivers.)

After a boo-boo like this, I’m taking a vow to stop reading other columnists on my drive into work.

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IF YOU THINK L.A. DRIVERS ARE BAD. . . . “I’m a Santa Monica native, but I’m going to school up at UC Davis, and let me tell you, Northern Californians can’t drive,” Joshua Belsky writes.

“There is no politeness in their driving, they lack skill and they gleefully break traffic laws to the detriment of other drivers.

“The lack of skill may be a result of less exposure to the kind of congestion that we have in L.A., but the lack of politeness can only be attributed to the fact that, unlike denizens of Los Angeles, Northern Californians don’t carry guns in their cars.”

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WHO’S HUGH DEPT.: Samantha Kimmel points out that the “Hugh Sale” sign that appeared in this column the other day would have been ideal for actress Elizabeth Hurley after her recent breakup with actor Hugh Grant.

Which reminds me: I wonder what ever happened to that L.A. Dodgers cap Grant was wearing when he was arrested with the prostitute in Hollywood in 1995?

miscelLAny:

Now that Staples Center developer Ed Roski has agreed to buy a famous Las Vegas hotel, I’m hoping he’ll rename it in honor of Laker Coach Phil Jackson, who brought an NBA title banner to Staples.

The Las Vegas Philton would have a nice ring.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.