Telling It Like He Likes

Officially, it’s the USFL vs. the NFL, but in reality it was “The Howard Cosell Show” Wednesday in U.S. District Court in New York.

Cosell spent the first 39 minutes of his 3 1/2 hours on the stand talking about himself. At least a half-a-dozen times he said, “I’m telling it like it is.”

At various points, he referred to the Iran hostage crisis; his books; President Reagan, Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes; Johnny Carson; Walter Cronkite; Coca-Cola; Dr Pepper; singer Michael Jackson’s cross-country tour, fight promoter Don King; the puppet show “Kukla, Fran and Ollie” and the time early in his career, when “I was going locker room to locker room with a 40-pound tape recorder on my back.”

At one point, he interrupted himself and said to NFL attorney Frank Rothman, “This is irrelevant, Mr. Rothman, but it’s colorful.”

During one long dissertation by Cosell, Rothman told him, “I’m not as smart as you, sir” and Cosell replied, “Well, Frank, we learned that long ago.”

Said U.S. District Judge Peter K. Leisure when Cosell finally stepped down: “Thank you very much, Mr. Cosell. We enjoyed having you with us.”

Add Forgettable Quotes: Said English Coach Bobby Robson before last Sunday’s World Cup match with Argentina: “Maradona is just one player. He’s an important player and exceptionally talented, but the match is about more than him.”

Wrong. The score was Maradona 2, England 1. In the semifinals Wednesday, it was Maradona 2, Belgium 0.

Trivia Time: The Boston Red Sox, the last major league team to integrate, signed which player in 1959 to break the color line? Hint: In 1962, he and Gene Conley jumped the club in New York in a celebrated incident. (Answer below.)

Jerry Ross of Van Nuys adds this quote from Dizzy Dean, who outraged English teachers with his backwoods slang in the radio booth: “A lot of people who ain’t saying ain’t ain’t eating.”

Would-you-believe-it dept.: In the last two matchups between one-time Tampa classmates Dwight Gooden of the New York Mets and Floyd Youmans of the Montreal Expos, the Expos have won both games. Also, Youmans already has collected on a bet on who would hit the first home run.

Meanwhile, Chris Brown of San Francisco, a teammate of New York’s Darryl Strawberry at Crenshaw High, is leading the National League in hitting.

After Robert Seguso eliminated him in the first round at Wimbledon, Jimmy Connors said, “I hope he lives up to the responsibility.”

Said Seguso after winning in the second round: “Did he really say that? You mean because I beat him I have some kind of responsibility? I can’t believe he said that. He hasn’t exactly torn up the circuit the last couple of years.”

Trivia Answer: Pumpsie Green. On July 26, 1962, he and Conley disappeared in New York after the Red Sox lost to the Yankees, 13-3. Green was gone for two days, Conley for four days. Conley tried to book a plane to Israel, but was foiled because he didn’t have a passport.

Quotebook

Philadelphia Phillies’ Manager John Felske, when the phone rang in the clubhouse after the 19-1 win over the Chicago Cubs: “Who is it, Reagan?”