At 15, White Is Running Like He Is 29

Some things in life are very hard to believe. It is, for example, hard to believe how airline employees can locate Cheyenne, Wyo., from an altitude of 35,000 feet in the middle of the night and then be unable to locate your suitcase.

And it is also very hard to believe that Russell White is two days shy of 16 years old.

The Crespi High sophomore turned Friday night’s Big Five Conference championship game into a joke, beating St. John Bosco, 49-14. If you want an idea of what White looked like as he ran against the Bosco defenders, picture the great thoroughbred Secretariat, now about the same age as White, racing in the Kentucky Derby in 1973 against a field of burros. Old burros. Old, lame burros. With a member of Nell Carter’s family aboard each one of them.

And the Crespi folks have the audacity to try to make us believe that White is 15 years old. Forget it. This guy is 29. No one has the records, but he played in the NFL for several seasons. Played in a few Pro Bowls. Was named Most Valuable Player in a Super Bowl or two.

But until the records can be located, don’t believe he is 15. Don’t for a second buy the ludicrous idea that White, who made a bunch of fine Bosco athletes appear to be running with several large auto parts tucked into each sock, was being toilet-trained little more than a decade ago.

If you will believe that this guy was just learning how to walk in 1971, as Crespi officials tell us, then you’re just the person K Mart is looking for to manage its new Beverly Hills outlet.

Take a look at what this alleged teen-ager did Friday night against a previously undefeated team:

Crespi’s first play of the game. White takes the handoff, breezes through the line in a blink and is gone 69 yards for a touchdown. He runs up the front of a linebacker and down the other side during the leisurely run.

On his second carry of the game, he sprints 25 yards. Along the way he puts a fake on defensive back Cary Windes that leaves the Bosco player face down on the grass, grazing like a goat.

On his seventh carry, he romps 45 yards for a touchdown. For the final 20 yards, Bosco’s Don Streichen and Kelvin Means chase him. White makes them look like two drunken hobos chasing the last Cleveland-to-Miami train on a cold, cold Ohio night.

In the first half, sandwiched between his 69-yard scoring run and his 45-yard scoring run, White sat on the bench as a trainer examined his left ankle. Some people thought he had injured the ankle and the trainer was trying to make it feel better. He was not. A check of the TV monitor in Anaheim Stadium revealed that the trainer was simply adjusting the wings that trail behind White’s heels.

White, who turns 16 on Monday, finished the game with 256 yards and 4 touchdowns on 19 carries. All by himself he demolished a proud and talented Bosco team.

If you still want to believe the Crespi line about this guy being 15 years old, leave Santa a 10-dollar bill this Christmas. Leave it in your mailbox. And call me and give me your address. I’m Santa’s scheduling adviser this year. Honest.