‘You Are Here’ Might Mean Punch in Nose

Charles Barkley engaged in a jawing match with Jayson Williams of the New Jersey Nets last week in Phoenix.

After the game, Barkley drew a map of America West Arena, detailing the home and visiting locker rooms, and had a ballboy deliver it to Williams.

“He said he wanted to come into the locker room and kick my butt after the game,” Barkley said. “I just didn’t want him to get lost.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the UCLA record for touchdown passes in a season?

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Tough town: The suggestion of a domed football stadium in Pittsburgh for the Steelers has riled City Councilman Dan Onorato.

“Before you know it, they’ll want to get rid of Iron City Beer at tailgate parties and serve Perrier water,” Onorato told Mark Belko of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

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Carried away: Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post loves the Bullets’ new point guard, former Cleveland Cavalier Mark Price.

However, he admits he “said the same things last year when the Bullets got Scott Skiles, and it turned out he was so slow he couldn’t guard Lenin’s tomb.”

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A real comeback: Ruth Wysocki, a 1984 Olympian, was a late replacement who finished seventh in the 1,500 meters in the World Championships in August at Goteborg, Sweden.

Said Wysocki: “In 1984, my shoe sponsor said they would take care of me for life. I guess I died in 1988.”

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Incentive? Eddie Sefko in the Houston Chronicle: “New York [Knick] Coach Don Nelson last week gave a written test about his system. He fined players $10 for each wrong answer.

“If schoolteachers would do that, they might get better results,” Nellie said.

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Come again? Blackie Sherrod in the Dallas Morning News: “Chicago Bull [General Manager] Jerry Krause, signing Dennis Rodman, [says], ‘This gives us a dimension we have lacked,’ thereby establishing a new NBA record for understatement.”

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Priorities: New Jersey Devil Coach Jacques Lemaire, when asked if he would consider returning to the Montreal Canadiens:

“No matter what they would offer, my sanity, my health and my life are worth more to me.”

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Trivia answer: Troy Aikman, with 24 in 1988.

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Quotebook: Dave Snyder, a Cincinnati teacher who used to be an elevator operator at Riverfront Stadium: “I was the Director of Vertical Transportation.”