Columbia Leaves No Doubt That It’s Back on a Course for Ruin

THE COLLEGES

Thrown off course earlier this month, Columbia (1-5) demonstrated that it’s back on the road to ruin with a 7-21 loss to Bucknell (known on Eastern polo fields as “Bucky”). But even as the Lions moved to within 41 consecutive losses of their NCAA record, rumors of a new scandal surfaced.

Investigators allegedly performed a secret spot check on Columbia’s team and found every one of its players was taking legitimate courses, which would of course be contrary to the spirit of college football.

Columbia has been nailed on this charge twice previously and a third citation would result in the so-called “Death Penalty,” a lifetime ban from the Bottom Ten rankings as well as all future Crummy Games of the Week.

Meanwhile, the Big Ten, which failed to lose a nonconference game over the weekend, moved down to No. 4. Ohio State Blackeye coach John Cooper, a 13-6 winner over Minnehaha said: “Based on the way we’ve been playing, if you would have told me that our defense would not allow a touchdown I probably would have said you were the biggest fool on earth.” (That’s OK, John--the Bottom Ten commissioner considers that a compliment!)

The Rankings:

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Columbia (1-5) 7-21, Bucknell Lehigh 2. Miamis (5-9)* Split Split? 3. Auburn (0-1)** d. Somebody, 33-0 Florida 4. Illinois (4-3) 21-28, Mich. St. Minneha 4. Indiana (5-1-1) 6-31, Michigan Iowa 4. Iowa (4-2-2) d. Purdon’t, 31-7 Indiana 4. Michigan (4-2-1) d. Indiana, 31-6 N’wester 4. Mich. St. (2-4-1) d. Illinois, 28-21 Ohio St. 4. Mineha (2-4-1) 6-13, Ohio State Illinois 4. N’wester (1-5-1) d. Wisc., 35-14 Michigan 4. Ohio St. (3-4) d. Minneha, 13-6 Mich. St. 4. Purdon’t (3-4) 7-31, Iowa Wisconsin 4. Wisconsin (0-7) 14-35, N’wester Purdon’t

14. Oklahoma’s kicking game (only one field goal all year!); 15. Texas (3-3); 16. Penn State’s pitching (lost to Alabama, 8-3); 17. Bucknell (actually trailed Columbia, 0-7, at one point); 18. Idle; 19. Duke (1-2 in league play); 20. Notre Dame (winless in league play).

*Combined record of Miami (Fla.), Miami (Ohio) and Miami (Calif.).

**Record vs. teams with more than three wins this season.

ROUT OF THE YEAR: Washington State (4-3) over UCLA (7-0) (UCLA coach Terry Donahue: “The Cougs are a team which will put together perhaps as good an offense as we’ll see all year. They are a sight. They have no apparent weakness on offense that you can detect.”)

CRUMMY STATE GAME OF THE WEEK: Ohio State (3-4) vs. Michigan State (2-4-1).

CURIOUS READERS WANT TO KNOW: Steve Prelock of John Carroll University was named back of the week in the Presidents’ Athletic Conference. Fine, but when was John Carroll President?

THE PROS

One byproduct of the many quarterback injuries in the NFL is the chance it has given old stars to re-emerge, though not always with the desired results. For instance, New York Rep. Jack Kemp’s passing wasn’t enough Sunday to prevent a 16-0 shutout for the Chargers.

Kansas City’s Len Dawson fell to Detroit (and wily Tobin Rote), Green Bay’s Zeke Bratkowski failed to carry the day for the Pack and Babe Parilli came up just short for New England. The Raiders’ Kenny Stabler, who tucked his 2-foot-long, gray beard inside his jersey, looked a bit rusty in a 6-20 loss to New Orleans.

On the positive side, Pitt Bay (2-6) crunched Denver (and QB Craig Morton) after a pregame show in which NBC’s Bob Costas said the Steelers had “the weakest lineup” in football.

Meanwhile, inflationary passing statistics reached a new high during the Reagan Administration Sunday when Miami’s Dan Marino passed for a meaningless 521 yards in a 44-30 loss to the New Jersey Jets.

The Rankings: BAY DIVISION

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Tampa Bay (2-6) 20-49, Minnesota Miami (Fla.) 2. Pitt Bay (2-6) d. Denver, 39-21 N.J. Jets 3. Green Bay (2-6) 17-20, Wash. Buffalo

OAKLAND DIVISION

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. A’s (1-4) Dodgers Vacation 2. Raiders (3-5) 6-20, N. Orleans Kansas City

LAND DIVISION

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Kansas City (1-6-1) 6-7, Detroit Oakland 2. Dallas (2-6) 23-24, Phila. Phoenix 3. San Diego (2-6) 0-16, Dickersons Seattle 4. Atlantis (1-7) 16-23, N.J. Giants Philadelphia 5. New England (3-5) 20-23, Buffalo Chicago

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: Kansas City (1-6-1) at Oakland (3-5).

QUOTEBOOK: Seattle back Curt Warner, renewing rumors that the Seashocks may have to move their franchise: “We have to win next week, whether we’re in Seattle, New York or Africa.”

QUOTEBOOK (II): Pitt Bay quarterback Bubby Brister on the Steelers’ explosive offense: “We may as well punt on first down and get it over with.”