From Best Dunks to Bad Fans, Everyone Deserves an Award

So you didn’t make it to Sacramento this weekend. The State basketball championships came and went, and you and your favorite team were left home to watch it all on cable.

Don’t boo-hoo, hoopsters. Cheer up. Break out the bubbly. These postseason awards are for you . Well, for you to read, anyway.

If it makes you feel any better, we eliminated a good deal of the awards that would have gone to . . . well, you know the two teams.

Best Dunks (consistently): Estancia’s Matt Fuerbringer.

It starts with that nasty little smile, the quick two-step drive and--wham!--another AcroMatt maneuver sends Eagle fans to their feet and leaves opponents standing in his wake like mannequins.

At 6 feet 7, Fuerbringer’s certainly not the tallest player in the county, but when he’s in his groove, his slash-n-slam style can’t be beat. His is not a power move exactly--it’s tough to be the Tasmanian Devil when you’ve got the body type of Bugs Bunny--but his vertical leap and flexibility make for moves as entertaining as any you’ll find on Saturday morning TV.

Wall Street Award: Boenker, Witles, Price, Merk, Robitaillo and Mellado.

These Trabuco Hills assistant coaches make for a dapper-looking bunch--sitting on the bench, they look like a billboard for Brooks Bros. But what exactly is it all these suit-and-tie guys do? Provide legal advice for Coach Rainer Wulf? Trade stock during timeouts? Sell junk bonds to keep the program in the black?

And what if Wulf takes the job at Orange Coast, or any of the other places he’s rumored to be interested in? Will this coaching conglomerate go with him, or should neighboring El Toro High brace itself for a hostile takeover?

Never-Never Land Award: Villa Park Coach Chris Burton.

Don’t blame this one on us. Burton, whose baby face earned him the nickname “Opie,” during his coaching days at Fullerton High, was selected in a poll of Villa Park students as the faculty member who most resembles Peter Pan. Probably explains his aversion to the hook shot.

Worst Fan Reaction: This goes to the dear gentleman from Tustin who threw a pencil at the dad working the scoreboard at Estancia.

Apparently, Pencil Man didn’t like the way the clock kept malfunctioning, so, with the sharpest instrument he could find (his brain certainly didn’t qualify) he spiked the scoreboard keeper in the neck.

Let us know when you want to work the clock, Pencil Man. We’ll make sure we come equipped with our sharpened No. 2s.

Mr. Intensity: Savanna Coach Greg Haskell.

This award used to be such an automatic--Western’s Greg Hoffman or Tustin’s Tom McCluskey. But those two might as well line up their lawn chairs now, because 25-year-old Haskell has the lock on psycho sideline scene.

Just don’t say I said that.

Best Jody Anton Impersonation: Newport Harbor assistant girls’ coach Jack Jakosky.

During the practice before Newport Harbor’s game against Brea-Olinda this month, Newport Harbor Coach Shannon Jakosky had each of her assistants assume the role of Brea’s best players.

In an instant, Shannon’s husband, Jack, became Brea’s talented Anton. It was a stunning transformation. Jody--er, Jack--started hitting jumpers from the top of the key. Swished in three-pointers. Fought for rebounds like a fiend . . . all so the Newport players could better prepare themselves for the challenge.

The next day, Brea beat Newport, 63-50. The score might have been closer had there not been that initial confusion. Apparently, the Sailors were looking to guard the girl with hairy legs.

Best Off-the-Court Confession: Comes from Mater Dei forward Marmet Williams. In short, Williams loves his cat. Its name is Kisser. This results in much teasing. As does the fact that the white-and-brown tabby sleeps at the foot of Marmet’s bed.

What were you expecting here, Jackie Collins?

Missing in Action: Those crazy Estancia dancers.

Last season, this flock of Eagles wowed fans everywhere with their hip-thrusting boogie. OK, so the administration didn’t like it--and came close to suspending the culprits--but it was all in good fun.

Now where do you suppose those dancing fools went to? The varsity, that’s where. That’s right, Jim Faulkner, Ty Schisler, Jeff Byrne and John Johansen, who all were on the junior varsity team last season, turned in their dancing shoes for high tops this year. And to think, a video was in the works.

Best OC Hoops Trivia: Comes from Western’s Hoffman, who says everyone knows Arizona Coach Lute Olson once coached at Marina High, but how many know Olson started his coaching career at Western?

That’s right, Hoffman says. Olson was the Pioneers’ C (sophomore) coach.

Now, don’t we all feel better?

Barbie Ludovise’s column appears Wednesday and Sunday. Readers may reach Ludovise by writing her at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, 92626 or by calling 966-5847.