Football Helps O’Brien Overcome Loss of Father

Tears of sorrow have fallen too often in Sean O’Brien’s young life, so there was no holding back his tears of happiness after Ventura St. Bonaventure High won the Southern Section Division IV football championship.

O’Brien, St. Bonaventure’s starting defensive tackle, and assistant coach Roger Sonsini moved toward each other amid the raucous celebration of the Seraphs’ 40-14 victory over Westlake Village Westlake last December and they embraced.

“I whispered into his ear, ‘Your dad is crying for joy as we’re crying,’ ” Sonsini said.

Sonsini had attended the Ventura County police and sheriff’s academy with O’Brien’s father, Jim, a nine-year veteran of the Oxnard Police Department.

Sean was 7 when his father left for work in the morning and never returned, becoming the first Oxnard officer killed in the line of duty since 1981.

Sean’s journey toward adulthood without his father presented a severe challenge. There were times as a young boy he remembers having to “hit things or get so mad I’d have to spray myself off with real cold water” to release his emotions.

Ten years later, the anger and frustration caused by his father’s death have begun to subside, replaced by an understanding that the healing process must move forward.

“Over time, you get used to the fact he’s not there, he’s not coming back,” Sean said. “You can’t be stuck in the past and mourn for years and years. You have to get back on the horse.”

Jim was a detective whose specialty was solving graffiti crimes. The 911 call came in shortly after 11:40 a.m. on Dec. 2, 1993. An out-of-work computer engineer armed with a rifle and handgun had entered an Oxnard unemployment office, killing three people and wounding four.

Jim was at the police station, about two miles away, when the dispatch center broadcast an urgent request for all available units to respond.

The gunman, Alan Winterbourne, was stuck in lunchtime traffic at the intersection of Victoria and Olivas Park after escaping the scene. Jim was one of several officers in pursuit.

Winterbourne got out of his vehicle, pulled out a hunting rifle that had a scope and fired two shots. One struck Jim in the head, killing him. Winterbourne returned to his car and continued to another unemployment office in Ventura, where he was shot and killed by police.

For Sean, the death of his father turned his world upside down. He wanted to experience with Jim all the special moments that sons and fathers share -- his first shave, first date, first kiss, first driving lesson....

Football helped restore equilibrium to his life. Sean started playing at age 9 and discovered it was the perfect venue in which to unleash his anger and gain a different perspective.

“You’re with a band of brothers and can’t get hurt that way,” he said.

As a 5-foot-11, 225-pound senior defensive tackle for the defending Division IV champions, Sean has distinguished himself with his quickness and ability to make plays.

“He’s a passionate player,” St. Bonaventure Coach Jon Mack said. “He’ll run around and hit you, get up and run around some more.”

Sean tries to stay in the background, maintaining a low profile. He has a 3.4 grade-point average, loves computers, and smiles a lot but isn’t boisterous. Those who meet him for the first time would never guess that he had to endure such a grave loss. He doesn’t bring up his father’s absence unless asked.

“It’s difficult enough to grow up in our society without one parent, and for a parent to be taken away from you, it makes it very difficult,” Mack said. “There’s a shell that’s difficult to get through. He protects himself emotionally.”

There was much grieving at the funeral 10 years ago. It brought together more than 3,200 law enforcement officers from across the state. Hundreds of Ventura County residents lined streets and freeway bridges as a procession of 1,200 cars made its way from a Camarillo church to the Santa Clara Cemetery in Oxnard. There was a 21-gun salute, and two helicopters flew in the “missing man” formation.

With each year, Sean becomes stronger and more convinced that he’s following his father’s wishes. He has been attending memorial services with less trepidation.

“It’s still hurtful, but I can talk about it openly,” he said. “I don’t cry as much, but I’m an emotional guy.”

Sean remains thankful for the guidance his mother, Leslie, provided during the early days of turmoil.

“I had to find some way to move on,” Leslie said. “If we dwell on that stuff, how would we get past it? We needed to be able to go back to regular routines. That, in itself, was a big comfort.”

Jim played football at Hueneme High, was a karate instructor and also boxed. He had hoped to coach his son in football. He was 35 when he died.

“He would be thrilled, excited and real proud,” Leslie said. “He would have relived the best part of his football memories.”

Another football season is about to begin for Sean, another season without his father.

But, as Sonsini observed, “Everything his father strived for him to be, he’s turned out to be.”

Children of law enforcement officers are warned their parents might have to make the ultimate sacrifice. Sean understands what that means.

“You know going in he’s going to put his life on the line every day,” Sean said. “And that’s what he did. He loved this community and he gave that part of himself to the community.”

*

Eric Sondheimer can be reached at eric.sondheimer@latimes.com.